The Art of Turning No into Yes: Lessons Learned from 20 Years of Rejection

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Very few businesses revolve around rejection. Hollywood revolves around rejection, and so does the event industry. Back in the days, there were more magazines, and the internet had just become a more significant factor in wedding planning. Online dating was still in its infancy. I remember being in a wedding consultation, making small talk, and asking the bride, “Where did the two of you meet?" “Online,” she replied. It was beyond revolutionary. Nowadays, it’s almost the norm. It’s more revolutionary now to find two people who have met by happenstance in the real world than on an app.

Business and dating are almost the same. Finding out what people are interested in and what you have to offer—or even better, bring to the table. Back in 2014 or so, I remember attending a workshop on handling objections with clients. These trainings are always super beneficial because you learn how to flip the script in the real world with a real client. Unraveling the true message behind a client's excuses requires understanding their underlying intentions. It’s incredibly important to have the conversation with them and try and find out what the end goals really are.

⚠️Negotiating Tip: Whenever a client emails saying you are not within their budget, keep the conversation going and always email back and ask if they have a price point you need to stay within. From there you can offer things that fit in that price point, whether it is reduced hours or a different option altogether. Sometimes they will email back something crazy that you can’t compete with and that’s fine, you don’t have to offer them anything. The point is they may have a budget that you can work with where you are still profitable. The term expensive is relative.

I was talking with a friend of mine, and since I first started in this industry in 2004 doing weddings, we’ve been constantly rejected. Back in the olden days, you met with clients face-to-face. I can’t tell you the last time I met a client in person for the first interaction. But back then provided great learning experiences. You had the ability to tell from someone’s body language and tone what they were most interested in. You were able to hear in their voice the things that excited them! Now, it’s very hard to understand what someone’s goals are from just a lead form. How can you possibly understand what the client is trying to accomplish? Anytime we have a larger lead, the number one goal is to get them on the phone to have that conversation. How many other companies are going to take that initiative? I could do a whole course on what to say and how to say it, but the immediate purpose is not necessarily to get the client to like you, but get them to at least have the impression that you are knowledgeable and helpful.

I always used to say, if you get a bride in front of me, I’ll have a check in my hand by the end of the meeting. How do you get someone to fall in love with you and what you do in less than an hour? Nowadays, how do you do that by the time they finish reading your email? I remember on any given Saturday, we would have no fewer than three in-person consultations, followed by setting up and tearing down the events of the day. I had no choice but to become a professional interviewee. In a week, I’d have about 10-15 interviews with brides going over their vision for their event. Sometimes it was incredibly easy to click with someone. You’d talk about TV shows they watched, maybe it was a piece of jewelry you admired, or you just simply vibed with someone. Every now and then, just like a bad date, you’re not going to get along with everyone. That reminds me of a horrible date I went on where the individual was not nice to the waiter, to put it lightly. Immediate ick. That’s ok, not everyone has to be for you…especially flight attendants.

However I digress, as previously mentioned in a recent blog, I’ve been doing a lot more reading lately, and one book that stuck out to me was “Million Dollar Weekend” by Noah Kagan. In the book, there is a large theme of rejection. Rejection can be your greatest ally. Rejections are very much hidden opportunities in slightly darker outfits. In the book, he talks about rejection exercises, which is such a fabulous concept. He tells his readers to go to a coffee shop, order a coffee, and ask for a discount. Why? Because you can.

☕️ The Coffee Challenge
Go to any coffee shop or any place in person. Make a simple purchase and ask for 10 percent off. Don’t say anything else. The whole point is for you to feel uncomfortable. Commit to doing this today. Every single person who completes this challenge always posts how beneficial it is for their lives. I want that to be the same for you.

MILLION DOLLAR WEEKEND - NOAH KAGAN

The exercise is really just meant for you to learn to sit in your rejection and understand the feeling. You can prepare yourself to be discouraged. Many times whenever I previously met with a bride after a consultation, sending off your proposal, and waiting a few weeks that you’re incredibly sure you landed. You’d get an email and said they went in a different direction, hired someone else, or you were too far above their budget. And you think, “NOOOO!!! I thought I had that one in the bag! She was my friend!” It’s incredibly discouraging. There used to be times where I would be rejected from a client, and it would really mess with my head for a few days. You think that you’re an imposter. That you aren’t worthy.

I’ve also talked plenty of times on the podcast, Super Boothers, about how I will follow up with someone to infinity and beyond. Until they tell me no is usually the default. Once someone tells me no, that’s fantastic, now I don’t have to spend any more time on you.

Another thing is, you have to stop viewing yourself as selling. You’re not selling, you’re helping. Once you recognize that, the whole process can feel a lot less sleazy. Solve the problem and help the client get to the solution they are looking for, and they will love you forever.

It’s very easy to get discouraged. Super easy. Incredibly easy. Did I mention how easy it is to get discouraged? I am sitting here typing this, just about 20 years in the business, and I still feel discouraged. One thing I have learned is, it all comes down to a numbers game. I started an exercise this month where I manually am keeping track with my leads with a little number counter. Each time a lead comes in, I push the button. It’s becoming a ritual for me to push that button a lot first thing in the morning, and then slowly throughout the day. Each time I press that button, it is a reminder for me that someone is looking for services that we offer. Each time someone completes an online lead form, it’s a vote of confidence that they want us to be a part of their event. That part is very encouraging. It’s even more encouraging when clients send you notes in their inquiry that they were incredibly happy with the previous year and want you to do it again.

Part of the game here is understanding that you won't seal every deal. It's just not feasible to accommodate every inquiry that floods in via the online contact form while keeping things profitable. Knowledge is power, and I've always emphasized the importance of knowing your numbers. Recognizing booking trends is crucial for understanding the pulse of your business. Take corporate events, for instance; our conversion rate sits comfortably around 20%, which is fantastic. This implies that out of every 10 corporate leads, we can expect to close at least 2. Now, birthdays, on the other hand, hover at a mere 0.7%. It's dismal, but that's alright because birthdays aren't our forte nor our focus. So, for every 200 birthday inquiries, we'd anticipate booking perhaps 1 or 2. When I approach this analytically and remove the emotional component, I am encouraged because I understand that birthdays aren't where our strengths lie or what we're known for. It's challenging to detach oneself emotionally and begin viewing things critically, but it's necessary for growth. The more rejections you get, the closer you are getting to your next, “Yes!”

In all the years I’ve been doing this, here’s what I know for sure. People want to know that you’ve seen more and you’ve done more. They want to know that this is your specialty and you can bring experience to the table. Every now and then if there is a piece of business that I really want, whether for creativity or profitability reasons, I will often times offer value adds complimentary purely because I can and it also shows the client I am interested in them just as they are interested in me.

It’s no secret I have always been a huge fan of Joan Rivers, both a person and as a comedienne. In her documentary, A Piece of Work, there is an interview with her agent and he said, “You can’t get hit by lightning if you’re not standing out in the rain. Nobody can stand in the rain longer than Joan Rivers.” Click here to see the clip. It’s the same concept, you can’t win the lottery if you don’t play. I know that there’s always a giant event and a big gig just around the corner. You just have to stand out in the rain long enough.

The next time you receive that dreaded email indicating a client is moving in a different direction or swiping left on your quote, don't immediately view it as rejection. Instead, consider it as a step closer to your next yes. Every "no" brings you nearer to that eventual "yes." It's a process of elimination, refining your approach, and getting closer to aligning with the perfect fit for your services or product. Each rejection is not a setback but rather a necessary part of the journey toward success. Keep doing you.

Let me know what you think about rejection - Text RYAN to 833-209-9555